Happy 11th Birthday, Nate!

Happy 11th Birthday, Nate.

Are you kidding me, Nate? Are you actually 11?

And yes, I can write this directly to him because he’s literate. And he actually checks The Urinal every now and then.

He’s at that age anyway. When I wonder whether or not I should still be writing about him at all. But it’s his birthday, so I have to.

And the truth is that 11 is turning into the optimal age. We’re well past tantrums and meltdowns, but we don’t have any of the teenage drama and angst just yet. Though we know we’re close, so Tighe and I have made a point to savor these moments. 

Nate’s always been an easy kid. Headstrong and opinionated and chatty, yes, definitely.

But generally good-natured and helpful.

He makes friends pretty easily, anywhere he goes. If I ask him to complete a chore, he does it without question. He grumbles about homework and tedious tasks, but he possesses an ability to empathize and reason that, I think, far surpasses most 11 year-olds.

He’s pretty self-aware when it comes to creating boundaries for himself. He recognizes when certain friends and siblings are overwhelming him and he needs a break. He retreats to his room with music and Legos or to a spot on the couch with a book. He loves to read, and even though he’s mostly hanging with a group of boys who are emerging as future jocks and frat boys, he still owns his nerdiness. 

He cherishes his sleep, so he turns down sleepovers quite a bit. But I hope this is something that continues through his teenage years: that when he needs a break, when his friends are doing something they shouldn’t or that he’s not interested in, he’ll have no trouble saying no.

I hope. 

As he’s matured, he’s started to prioritize the good of the group—the team, the class, the family—ahead of his own desires. Which is sometimes a very good quality, as long as he’s still able to express himself, pursue his own goals, voice his own opinions, and meet his needs. 

When he knows I’m in a bad mood or Tighe has a lot of work to do and phone calls to make, he turns himself into the bad cop of the household and tries to keep the other kids quiet. It doesn’t matter that in doing so, he actually creates more noise and conflict—it’s the thought that counts.

I think that compatibility, that inclination towards flexibility and cooperation, is often a trait of oldest children. It was (and is) true of me, anyway. We’re sensitive to others, we see what needs to be done and what’s at stake, and we get it done. Or at least help facilitate it. 

I know he’s aware of our finances, of me and my moods, of what’s expected of him as he goes into the world and represents our family. But I don’t want those anxieties to weigh on him and hold him back. He’s a team player and a hype man, which is awesome!, but I want him to pursue his own dreams without worrying about us. Or about taking care of his siblings.

You do you, Nate. We’ll fully support you.

At the moment, Tighe and I both pour a lot of time and energy and money into his sports. We pay for new uniforms and equipment and registration fees. We, mostly Tighe, drive carpools and sit and watch games and practices. And Tighe even coaches some of his sports. 

We’re so proud of the effort and focus and dedication he puts in. And he knows how much Tighe and I truly love sports and love watching him play. It’s fun to see how he’s developed as an underdog in all of his sports, how he’s benefited from quality coaching and made adjustments to his game and technique. Especially basketball and lacrosse. Oh, but also football. And rugby. And to a lesser degree, soccer. 

But as he ages, the programs intensify and the pressures mount. And if he can handle it all and he really loves the commitment and the competition and the opportunities, great. But if not, if the stress and the demands get to be too much, it’s okay. Our love and pride and acceptance of him isn’t conditional on his athletics. 

We love him because he’s our son. He makes us proud in everything he does. And how hard he works. And what a good friend he is. And a good big brother—thoughtful, considerate, compassionate. With a great sense of humor and a really great, boisterous laugh. No pressure. 

We love spending time with him and seeing what he pursues, how he grows and matures each day. 

Well done, Nate.