Let the Homeschooling Begin!

Well, it’s coronavirus season and Covid-19 is making quite a debut. Forgive me if I seem like I’m making light of a very serious situation, but this is my first pandemic. 

Like a lot of you, I’ve been back and forth between making fun of people’s sheer panic and sharing silly memes and then swinging back toward panicking myself and wondering if I’m already carrying the virus. Or if we have enough canned tuna to survive for four months. Hint: we don’t, and no one in this house even likes tuna. The uncertainty I’m feeling is reminiscent of the days of post-9/11, when I was a college freshman. 

I’m constantly checking in with friends who work in healthcare—doctors and nurses—for reassurance. It helps, but again, information is changing as fast as the virus is spreading, and no one’s really sure of anything.

One thing, however, is certain: CHILDREN ACROSS AMERICA ARE NOW BEING HOMESCHOOLED.

And if they’re not yet, they will be soon.

And I don’t care where you stand on the NoBigDeal/Panic spectrum, it is not easy to be confined to your house with kids all day. Especially if you follow all the Lockdown/Social Distancing rules. And especially if you’re working from home yourself and need to get things done. And especially if your kids are moody, irrational jerks at various points during the day who require snacks every hour to break up the monotony of begging for screen time.

Tighe and I are bracing ourselves for this homeschool experiment—an experiment which could change education as we know it. 

Do we even need teachers anymore? Can we just rely on YouTube, Khan Academy, ABC Mouse, Ted Talks and more?

I mean, the answer is, of course, no and not just because kids need socialization. Most parents need school for childcare because either they work or because kids are annoying and we need to spread out the burden of having them around all day. Parents have a social contract with teachers: you take them half the day, I’ll take them the other half, and then they’ll sleep for the third half. 

And yes, I know how that math pans out. That was intentional: being with kids for 24 hours actually equals being with them for 36 hours. 

Fortunately, Tighe and I have been brainstorming for how to survive Pandemic 2020. More than a large supply of chips, canned beans, and frozen pizzas, we’re designing our kids’ homeschool curriculum—one lesson I learned from teaching is that it’s better to be over-prepared than underprepared. 

So, solidarity, people! I’ll share what our ever-evolving plans are and you share any ideas you have. Let this be the forum for it! 

(And yes, I’m well aware that I’ll probably run out of steam for this plan, like, tomorrow and then I’ll just let them watch Netflix all day, but maybe some of you will stay the course—we can inspire each other)

First, let me stress that Nate’s and Sam’s teachers—and maybe even Tess’s preschool teachers—are working on lesson plans, packets, and online learning at this very moment, so our plans are to supplement theirs.

I want to base everything on a points system, and to give the points a little more weight, I’ll label those points “shamrocks” because that’s what they call them at Nate’s and Sam’s school.

At the end of each week, the kids can either trade in their points for a prize or bank them. We’ve been trying to teach them how important it is to save!

Prizes would be something like—again, I’m mostly flying by the seat of my pants here—homemade milkshakes, new Lego sets, some extra screen time, an extra roll of toilet paper for the week. And then a big-ticket item, like a Nintendo Switch, something they have to save up for. 

So, to earn shamrocks, we’ll have some combination of requirements in the following four categories: academic, physical activities, stewardship, and chores.

Obviously, we’ll make them do whatever packets or online learning their teachers provide and then they can earn additional shamrocks for things like reading another book, making a reading-check quiz, watching a science documentary, completing a math worksheet or a page in a workbook. I must have some workbooks lying around here somewhere. 

For physical activities, there are so many options! They can ride their bikes, go for a run, practice basketball or baseball or soccer, do a yoga video, do some HIIT workout that I make up. Heck, I’ll even do it with them—kill two birds with one coronavirus stone. Tighe bought them a heavy punching bag for Christmas, complete with boxing gloves, so they can always tone their arms and take out some aggression on that thing. 

Or I can.

Stewardship is a little tricky because of the whole social distancing thing. Helping an elderly neighbor might not be an option. But taking them some groceries might be. Or raking some leaves might be. Or sending a card. I know of a few organizations that are collecting non-perishables for families who are used to school breakfasts and lunches as their main nutrition sources, so we could drop off some donations there.

As for chores…oh, I’ve got chores. On a daily basis, they’re expected to clear the table after meals, put their clean clothes away, feed the dogs, and clean up their messes, but I can certainly add to that list. They’re all afraid of the vacuum—or at least pretend to be—so that’s out, but they can sweep, mop, scrub toilets, change diapers, scrape dried toothpaste out of the sink, wipe marker off the walls, feed the hogs, etc. 

And then there are so many other activities we’ll suddenly have time for! Sam likes to cook, he likes to color and paint, and he’s always wanted to take piano lessons. He’s like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. A little bitter and confused at first, but eventually becomes a better person, capable of love. Thanks, coronavirus.