COVID-19 RESPONSE

The Peanut Butter Urinal’s top priority is the safety of our friends, family, and animals. At this time, the Greenhalgh house is open only to Nate/Sam/Tess/Lou/Erin/Tighe/Wally/Rocket and whatever-our-one-remaining-turtle’s-name-is, but we are taking extra precautions to ensure the health and well-being of all. And no one’s going to work or school indefinitely. Sam’s suddenly taken a liking to yellow mustard and we’re debating whether or not a trip to the store and risking infection is worth satisfying this new craving. Every time he decides he likes something and I go stock up on it, he decides the next week that he hates it. 

We will continue to update our website as any additional changes are made. Like if schools re-open, I’ll invite you to come by for a celebratory fireworks display and fiesta. It’ll be BYOB and BYOfood, though, because at that point, we’ll be down to the “crappy” cheese and that one already-opened package of sunflower seeds that’s been in the cabinet for over a year. Bunker life is tough.

What is Peanut Butter Urinal doing?

In light of COVID-19, we have increased our cleaning and disinfecting practices, meaning that two-thirds of us actually wash our hands now. Or maybe only half of us do. I can’t quite figure out which side of the line Lou’s on. Every time I hear a toilet flush, I shout “wash your damn hands!” But Nate and Sam have found a loophole there: they stopped flushing altogether. 

Is Peanut Butter Urinal open?

That question doesn’t totally make sense. This is a blog. Next.
 
Is the Urinal canceling camps and educational programs?

Yeah, I just said that up above, dummy. Schools are closed indefinitely so I’m homeschooling, which is kind of a joke. I mean, I’ll do what I can, but it’s exhausting. The point system is working pretty well for Nate and Sam because they’re so determined to get a Nintendo Switch. But Tess has proven that she just doesn’t give a F*&#, even with the promise of a new My Little Pony. 

What about other Urinal events?

There are no other events. This is it. Lou has his 6-month check-up on Tuesday, which I assume is on because he’s due for shots, but other than that and a few online get-togethers, we’re wide open. Feel free to drive or walk by our house and wave from the street. 

Can the animals be impacted by COVID 19?

At this point, I kind of hope Rocket contracts some sort of deadly virus. Sorry, was that too honest? Our legal team advised me to be totally transparent. 

Should guests wear medical masks if they visit the Urinal?

Yes. And that goes for any and all visits even outside of this social distancing experiment for two reasons. First, it smells like an actual urinal in here, and after the rainy week we’ve had, you can add “wet dog” and “mud” to our quarantine potpourri. Second, this is the first time since late September when I can honestly say that no one in our household is exhibiting any kind of cold/flu/virus symptoms—knocking on wood—but I’d still don a hazmat suit when you visit. Kids are germy.

Where should I go for information on COVID-19?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is the best resource for useful, factual and up-to-date information on the virus. For more information, visit https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-nCoV/index.html. For funnier information, check out @covid_19parody on Instagram. Sharing genius memes to get us through these tough times.