The End of an Era??

Is this it? Is this the end of me as a mom?

Maybe. 

This week, this first week of October 2023, Lou—the youngest of my four kids—started school full-time.

As in Monday through Friday, 8am to 3:30pm. 

WHAT?!

We didn’t start the school year this way, of course. We started off in mid-August with Lou enrolled in school on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

Five days a week just seemed like so much for a three year-old. Except that now he’s just turned four. And he’s the youngest. 

So it was just me and Tighe at home with him on those Tuesdays and Thursdays, no one else to play with. In the past, it’s always been fairly easy for me to fill those mornings with him. A playground when the weather’s nice. Or the zoo. Or Wonderscope. Or Science City. Thursday morning swim lessons. Or errands. Lou loves a good Whole Foods run. Or aimless wandering through Target. 

But perhaps it was that last bout of bra-shopping with Tighe’s grandmother that did him in. I turned to look at him seated in the bright red Target cart at one point, and he was totally inverted, his legs sprawled over the side, with an expression on his face that said, “kill me now.”

“Why are we still here?” he moaned to me, rolling his eyes and gesturing his arm at his only remaining great-grandparent, who was re-examining the same rack of wireless bras that she’d looked at three times now. 

About seven minutes later, I let him pick out a new Paw Patrol toy. 

Sometimes Mom Guilt is pricier than full-time preschool tuition.

A few days later, his teacher casually mentioned to me that they had an opening on Tuesdays and Thursdays. 

I sat on this bit of information for about a week. I chewed on it while I watched Lou eat lunch in the dining room by himself, then collapse onto the sofa for an hour or so of Paw Patrol. 

I mentioned it to two mom friends who also had their youngest fourth-born kids in full-time preschool. 

“Of course you should take that Tuesday/Thursday spot,” they agreed emphatically as we sat in the stands at a 6th grade football game. “If you don’t take it fast, someone else will.”

But I still felt guilty. Is five days of early morning wake-ups too much? What about in the dead of winter when we’re waking up when it’s cold and still dark outside?

“But it’s preschool,” people argued back. “If he starts to burn out, you can keep him home every once in a while!”

So I asked Lou for his input.

He’d already told me that he loves school, loves his teacher, and wishes he could go every day. As in weekends too. I think it’s safe to say Lou has a higher tolerance for stimulation than I do.  

“Yeah, I want to go forever!”

Eh, what does he know? He’ll be in full-time school, then work, for the rest of his life, does he really need to start so young? So I continued to hesitate…

But then one morning when I hadn’t slept well and I needed a few extra minutes to sip my coffee in silence, he asked me to play Paw Patrol with him in the basement. I decided that was it. I’d been doing roughly the same activities with a toddler for over ten years, ever since I quit teaching and we moved to Kansas City. I was done. I’m getting too old for this.

And honestly, I wasn’t loving the M-W-F spread of days. Do you know how many three day weekends the kids have? A lot! Which means Lou lost a Monday or Friday every time, cutting his attendance to only two days a week.

And I felt like I couldn’t get into a good work rhythm. Those Tuesdays and Thursdays that were spent negotiating with Lou, listening to Lou, answering Lou, playing with Lou were really messing with my head. He’s a talker. And he’s very confident. And nonsensical. With a unique vocabulary, even for a four year-old. Lots of appropriately used profanity and slang. 

I felt like I was having Lou hangovers on Wednesday and Friday mornings. Instead of sitting down at my laptop ready to bang out some blogs, I’d need a recovery day. I needed to untangle the web of illogic that Lou had spun in my brain the day before. Unable to find a groove for myself, my productivity was at an all-time low. And I knew it.

Finally, after at least a week of indecisiveness, I was ready.

Though I was still hesitant to bring it up with Tighe because I was worried he’d balk at the jump in tuition cost and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

“I think we should do it. I think we should put him in full-time,” I said to Tighe, immediately cowering, panicked and fearful for absolutely no reason.

“Yeah, of course we should! We’re not doing him any favors here at home!”

My eyeballs cut from Tighe to Lou, who was settling into yet another episode of Paw Patrol, our go-to after lunch activity. He certainly has a type. 

“He’ll get more stimulation and play time at school,” Tighe continued, “plus he gets a rest time there which doesn’t include Paw Patrol.”

It’s true. Lou had even fallen asleep at school a handful of times, which was really helpful given our hectic after school schedules, late dinners, and even later bedtimes.

So we did it.

And the first full week was an overwhelming success! He never argued or seemed hesitant. I brought him to school late on Thursday so he could still go to his 9am swim lesson, which is pretty much his favorite activity. 

Who knows what Week Two will bring, but if it cuts back on our Paw Patrol consumption, boosts the likelihood of an academic scholarship some day, and earns Erin a little more Erin time, I’d say it’s an all-around achievement.